the way i lie

It’s always been my passion to write. It’s always been a pleasure for me, writing my heart and mind. Commence typing everything that crosses my mind. Thinking of the words, vocabs and metaphors. Like a water fountain, the words flow. Like a hatching eggs, the ideas come out. It’s my incapability to stop, I’ll always pursue the greatest sentences and paragraphs those will weave its story with a happy ending.

But what can I say? I’m here, the girl with no direction. Waiting for the guidance from angels. Where should I go? Where should I stay? What should I do? Thinking of myself as the best daughter in the world for my dad, since I’m the only daughter he has. But turned out it’s not that easy, to be her best little girl forever.

As you may know, I once was heavily drunk. I did major mistakes that lead me into grounding moments. I was and am a bad girl. I try to be his little girl while I can’t. here I am, the ungrateful daughter.

I wish I could go to a river with waterfall. I want to rinse myself, swim and dive. I want to wash away all my sins, be someone new. Someone with passion to do what’s right in life. There I always stop. I always go back to the bitter habitual routine.

Another thing, I really hate living with lies. I can’t bear it. Myself being such a great liar. I never stop manipulating, guess I’m that big fat liar and I love to manipulate. It’s not that I love it, I’m just too used to it that I don’t know that I’m doing it. I should stop, like the rain stops and the rainbow comes out. I want to be better. Better Michelle if I may. But looks like I have to wait, like you have to wait for the dawn in Arctic during winter.

God, I need Your help. Help me outta the darkness, lead me outta temptation. I can’t do it by myself. I need someone by my side. The one who is willing to sacrifice even their time and soul for me. I know I’m being a selfish girl. Self-centred girl. The one who uses people in order to gain fortunate. That’s me. I’m like a parasite. Living inside your mind and blood cells. Creating virus, absorbing your health. Like a plasmid I destroy your DNA. Replicate and take over the system.

I know I’m being arrogant, but you can tell that I’m pretty. But is that enough? I blow your mind, I captivate your attention, I know you won’t be able to get over me easily. But one thing I know for sure. I’m tired of you chasing me. Rushing me into relationships. Trying to use me while I’m drunk. I’m not a slut. I’m not a whore. I’m just a bitch that loves to have fun. So please, bear with that. You’re just a piece of junk and I don’t need you but I need your money. Yes, you can call me materialistic. But trust me, to those I love, money is something I don’t care. But for you that love me physically from the start, I need your money. Don’t be naïve, you know I’m right.

anyways, the package from US has arrived. i bought myself a really nice Tory Burch Flats. Rory Chrochet! ;) It's size 6, but it's too big :(

during the VIP night, i shopped a lot and i overspent over AUD600ish. but i bought a pair of CHANEL earrings. :) love them.

Damn it, now I’m writing to much. Therefore, I got something. I was featured in another magazine. September issue 2010. I love it. :) being featured along with hunny from UK.