thirty six hours before i woke up from my sleep, since then i haven't even rested my body for a minute to find a peaceful serene time. my body feels so week, my eyes are almost closed, my heart beats slowly, my fingers are shaking. those are all not for the sake of lack of sleep, i don't know what's going on but for sure i am sleepy and i feel like sleeping forever.
i miss some moments in my live. 
is it the moment when someone touch my hair and try to mess it up?blow your ears to make you laugh?say they forgive you for the gruesome things you have done?tell you that you look beautiful everyday?try their best to make you happy?feel my lips with its tenderness and sincerity?rub my cheek and hair when i fell asleep?pat my back when i feel scared?protect me from anything that would harm me?take me to wherever i want whenever i want?ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT NEED THEM?
maybe the loneliness is bothering me. finally i feel lonely again, after so much times. people told me every now and then that i know almost everyone, that i was the apple of the city, but no, i still feel i am alone. who can i trust, who can't i trust? who's being sincere who's being deceitful? who talks behind me? who did everything just for the sake of doing it? i am getting more idealistic the more i grow older. part of me harden and harden everyday. for the sake of my own comfort, my brain would not let me know what is happening with me.
anyway my birthday is coming in 5 days. and i'll be legal. 21. my favorite number.hat - hurley // top - monobi // legging - oasap.com // shoes - dolcevita8