it's my 260th post. it's been awhile, since i last write things. yes, i do write here, now was and then. my psychiatrist told me something really nice. we, people, do have invisible energy cup. with that cup, we live our life. in order to fill that cup, we need energy flow that comes from ourself. anything, singing.. writing.. swimming.. sports.. anything.

once i told her that someone else may be my energy flow. but then, she said "you can't have your flow from someone else. for instance, one mother brags about her family. her husband has good source of money, her children are brilliant. they all make her happy, but what if they're gone, then the flow will be gone too. you have to find something from you, yourself"

then i talked to myself that i know what makes me happy to fill my cup, so i have the strength to deal with my problems. do you know why sometimes you just can't help being pissed off because of someone? that may be because your cup is empty, so you can't hold it anymore then you explode. i will learn how to fill my cup everyday. every single day. i will write, blog, sing. can i? i will make my cup overflow, so the sadness won't strike me. never again.

and then, my dream. i never really tell people what i really wish to be. i may die in vain, yes. i may be the most selfish people in the world, but i am not arrogant. i wish to be a star. bright in the sky, so people recognise me that i'm a star. silly stupid thing? no i think. you're naive if you don't want any of that to happen. what about you, having a big movie coming up the cinema, people are dying to pay the movie tickets just to watch the story. you're the main role, with your favourite actor ever. that may be my biggest dream.

opening my own restaurant, where people notice my restaurant as one of the hit list and people are willing to queue just to eat my beautiful dishes on the plate.

can i just say this out loud.

"I WANT TO BE HAPPY LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE"

love.
michelle